Wednesday, June 04, 2008

First Born

Joshua Ryan Vinson
10:19 p.m. June 4, 1981

Today is Joshua's birthday. I just finished talking with him on the phone. I can hardly believe that so much time has passed since this picture was taken.

There is much that I remember about that long day. I remember the Doctor saying, "It's a boy." And I remember thinking, "So, it was a baby after all." Josh arrived 2 1/2 weeks late. I thought that I would be big forever.

I remember my fear as I stood looking out the hospital window. Not fear of being a Mom, although I had plenty uncertainties about that. But it was a realization that we had created a life that would spend an eternity somewhere. How would we as parents direct and lead in this child's life? What can we do to help lead this child to a love for God? There was such a powerful love for this child even though he was just born. I felt so inadequate to be taking on that responsibility. Thankfully God has since shown me what is my responsibility and what is left up to God and my children.

I've been looking through the photo albums and I have such mixed emotions. I wish there were more photos, more things that I could see clearly in my mind.
I can remember when he was little and the hugs and smiles he would give. The joy he found in being outside or being with his Dad building something was fun to watch.

I love this picture. To me, this is Josh.

Now, the hugs are bigger, as are the woodworking projects and usually the fish. He has that ability to look at things and build or fix just like his Dad does. He cares about people and has a heart to help them. As we've had the opportunity to spend time with him and his friends, I can hear that care in his questions and conversations.
Sometimes it's hard for me to see that same little boy in the man that he has become. But, what I can see is a man who I am so proud to be able to call my son. The maturity that I see him live out and more importantly the faith I see lived out in his life are things that make my heart rejoice and make me praise God for His faithfulness and grace.