Monday, February 20, 2012

Taken Unaware

Have you ever been surprised?

I don't mean like with a surprise party
or surprised to see someone.

I'm talking about being surprised by your emotions,
surprised by your own reaction to something or someone,
to be totally caught off guard.
How about being in the middle of something going on
and you realize that
you are being overwhelmed
with emotions and
can't even figure out why at first?

That happened to me the other night
and it caught me by surprise.

I was busy working on something away from home
enjoying all that was going on around me,

the laughter...

the conversations...

the excitement...

when all of a sudden the emotions started to take over. Tears started to fill my eyes.
It didn't take me too long to figure out what was happening.
You see, my heart knew...
even before my mind could grasp what was happening.

I knew...
    that these people had what I don't think I ever will and my heart ached because of it.

It really doesn't make any difference what that was.

I'm sure that for each of us there are times when we look at someone or some situation and wish we had what they had.
We wonder - "Why not me, God?"
Not that we don't want others to be blessed as they have been,
we just want that same blessing for ourselves.
You see, we want to choose our own blessings.
I've heard it said that emotions are neither right nor wrong.   
They are what they are.
But, what I do with them,
how I react to them,
makes the difference.

Thankfully, I was able to rejoice with those around me that night at what was happening in their lives. I'm so excited for them. I honestly am!

Scripture says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." Romans 12

But, why is it so much easier to "weep" with others than to truly "rejoice with" them?

Is it because that when they weep, I'm thankful that it isn't me?
And when they rejoice, I wish it were me?
Am I really that selfish?
Oh, Father, I pray not!

I pray that my heart,
your heart,
will be willing to come along side others, no matter what the occasion, and weep or rejoice as God asks.

It isn't about me.

It's about God and what he knows is best for me.
Can I trust him?

There are days when I'm still working on that.
When I need to pry my fingers open...
fingers that are wrapped tightly around my life and those in it...
again and again releasing it into my Father's hands.

I, like you, am a work in progress.


Nikki said...

Feeling, hearing, and identifying with your heart, my friend. Choosing, with you, to trust even when we don't understand. Praying for that familiar ache, asking God to comfort, sustain, and fill you with hope, even amidst the unfulfilled longings. I love you, friend. Our God is good.

Linda said...

I miss you.